So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
