Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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