you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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