I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
