Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
