Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
