I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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