If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize