I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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