wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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