If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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