So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He shit in the fireplace
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
