The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
