i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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