There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
