I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
