You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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