party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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