John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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