Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
