just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
