you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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