I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
