I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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