Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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