I need to stop coming to work sober
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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