I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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