Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
