i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
