Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
