It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
