so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
