Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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