the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My life is pants optional.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
