I wanna bring you to show and tell
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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