just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
