i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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