im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize