I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
