I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
