i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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