and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
