I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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