Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
