let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
