My liver just broke up with me...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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