i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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