Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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