oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
