I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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