i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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