In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
