You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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