Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
