Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
