Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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