also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
