My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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