This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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