omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
