I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize