but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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