HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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