Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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