He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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