I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
