i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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