I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
